..T-I-R-E-D.. soul shattered..
Posted at 06:55 PM
5 yrs. of loving..
ive given almost everything..
just when i thought everything's just falling right into their proper places.
just when we thought we could surpass almost everything as long as are together..
just when i thought, i would be appreciated.. that we believed that all the tears and agonies are slowly paying off.. that at last! after 5 sorrowful yet fruitful years his family would start commending or if not at least accept me.. but still.. i was left unwanted.. his family can never accept me.. regardless of the extra efforts im doing just to get near them.. but they wont let me.. and i was left astray..
i'm tired.
i want to quit.
if only i knw why they dont like me.. considering the fact that they wont give me the chance to even be near their place.. that they wont let me speak or if so, i was not heard.. it's as if i am an epidemic-carrying-creature.. they're so far they wont let me stare from a distance.. it has always been like that.. i am always left wondering why they cant see anything positive in me..
i have always hoped for the day that i could just walk down the street with my guy without having to hide whenever a relative is near.. i wanted to love him freely.. i know he's been doing everything that he can so that i'd always have a 'pogi points' even if it's awkward coz my family was supposed to be the one to be impressed coz im the girl.. but it's different with his family.. his mom even said these exact words 4 summers ago as he was about to introduce me to her.. "ayoko sa kanya! hindi ko sya matatanggap kahit kelan! hindi sya maganda!" without even bothering to talk to his son discreetly.. she said those words right then and there.. in my face! i couldn't do anything but just sigh and ask my guy to walk me home.. then i told him to go back after talking to his mom coz i dont want his mom to get angry with him.. even if he doesnt want to.. then i was left there.. teary-eyed.. i cant believe i was being treated like a trash..
but then again, my gu and i was auspicious that things would go smoother in time.. we just have to do our best and to love each other..
but, days, weeks, months and years had passed..
i was still treated like the same trash i was 4 yrs. ago..
despite the fact that my guy was now doing good in his studies unlike before.. despite everything.. i was still treated like i was the most unforgiveable thing that happened to their son's life..
and im soooo..
tired of it..
if only i could find someone whom i could love more than i have loved him..
if only i could find that someone who could love me way better than he does.
i wonder..
would being me dead make them happiest?
